Blink-182 members no longer feeling aroused on stage

Blink-182 members no longer feeling aroused on stage

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It’s been one hell of a comeback for the California pop-punk band Blink-182. After announcing a new album (including unanimous Internet acclaim for the new single, “Up All Night”), and a national tour with what appears to be a Misfits cover band, My Chemical Romance, everything looks uphill from here.

But fans at recent live shows have noticed something seems a little darker with their on-stage personas, and it’s taking some of the charm out of their live performances. After a litany of negative commentary had spread across the Internet, the band decided to address these concerns. I was able to catch up with singer and guitarist Tom DeLonge before last night’s show for a few words.

“Not a lot of people understood this, but Blink-182 was always 100% honest on stage. Every time I told Mark I had a boner on stage, I really did. Every time I thought about sodomy, I shared it. And every time I said I fucked his mom, I really had fucked his mom. I know it seemed like we overdid intentional toilet humor, but it was all real. I promise. You can quote me on this… Blink-182’s stage banter was never, and will never, ever, ever, be intentionally funny.”

I asked if he thought the lack of arousals might be a sign of some sort of disorder, ie. erectile dysfunction.

“I don’t think so! I used to have a thing for sixteen-year old girls, but it was just a phase.”

Singer and bassist Mark Hoppus confirmed DeLonge’s sentiments in regards to on-stage honesty.

“Yep, Tom really hit the nail on the head. People think it’s an act, but it was all real. I really did fuck his mom that many times, too. As for now… I’ve been in kind of a dark place lately, and I think about death a lot. I’m not afraid to talk about my feelings on stage. Our fans will just have to understand.”

As showtime drew near, I took my place on the side of the stage for a rousing set. While the band played most of their radio hits, their set list focused on their most poetic jams, most notably “When You Fucked Grandpa”, “Blow Job”, and “Family Reunion.”

Hoppus closed the show with a short farewell.

“I’ve had a really great time playing for all you nice people tonight. But I am feeling a little down right now. It’s depressing, knowing that I’m not going to get to know each and every one of you before you pass away. It’s really sad that we all have to die at some point, isn’t it? Anyway, this last one’s called “Dick Lips”. Thanks for coming out!”


  • corey rial

    ha!